- Friday, December 18, 2009
- J.C. Colón
Not all men are created equal. If Thomas Jefferson were alive today, I'm confident he would recant his words immediately after witnessing a single man consume a tiny fraction of his weight in meat. Trust me, it's way more impressive than I made it sound.
I'm no scienceologist, but I do know that stomachs have finite size. But every once in a while, you meat a man whose stomach knows no bounds. A man who laughs at the concept of "being full," and coughs every once in a while when he swallows food down the wrong pipe.
Such a man exists right in our very midst and no one was the wiser.
It was the birthday of KiYong Kim-Smith (his last name has been hyphenated to momentarily protect his identity). We sat around him chanting "KiYong, KiYong, he's the man! If he can't do it, only four Ambassador men before him have proven they can!" And then it was gone.
The entire 4x4. Not a single crumb remained.
We carefully set a tray of fries in front of him, and blinked once, maybe twice.
Then he nonchalantly scanned the table and casually asked everyone all at once: "are you guys going to finish your respective meals?"
I admit, I've never been so impressed at the ease with which anyone has polished off a burger that most people could get a day's worth of food out of. It's also worth noting that KiYong is quite tall.
So, for both being taller than me, and for effortlessly accomplishing a task which many a good man has had to see a doctor after attempting, I salute you.
Ambassador 4x4 Club - Current Members:
Robert Jacobsen - Deposed Dictator (his burger was protein style)
Jim Sanders - President Elect (added animal style fries)
Bill Reitler - Defense Secretary
Kiyong Kim - Chief Diplomat of International Relations
Special thanks to JC for coming up with the idea in the first place.