- Friday, March 26, 2010
- J.C. Colón
Ambassador - We Connect - Ministry and Media. But on this fine day we changed things up a bit by Connecting - Meat-istry and Meat-ia.
It was with great joy we gathered on Monday to celebrate and contemplate the future of Jery Lee, who, after ingesting sixteen hamburger patties, most likely does not have long on this earth. After eating a true 4x4 from In-N-Out, he proceeded to ingest three additional quad-patty burgers. Out of respect for his heart, we left off the cheese and other trimmings.
Out of respect for his masculinity, we goaded and teased as his arteries slowly closed in agony. No one will admit it, but we're all envious of Jery's ability to ingest meat beyond what normal men can even dream of. Funny - to us, not to him - that this all started with a joking bet that Jery simply couldn't eat that many burgers. Little did we know he was about to prove us wrong.
As we watched him stall after burger number three, slowly drifting into a coma, we began to suspect that perhaps we'd done a terrible thing. Who were we, after all, to lay such a formidable challenge before him? Oh, that's right - we're men. Men are allowed to make foolish wagers with absolutely no forethought to the potential consequences. In fact, it's pretty much what we're known for.
There he sat, a man so close to victory he could taste it. "It", of course, being hamburger. Jery was not about to let himself endure years of ridicule for failing after three burgers. Determined, he took bite after bite, each one more death-defying than the last. Then, it was over. Just like Rocky in that one movie (I forget the name), Jery stood up, pumped his fist in the air, and yelled "Adrian!" I think he was confused because of the lack of blood-flow to everywhere in his body.
Anyway, everything turned out all right for the guy. He lived to fight another day, although not nearly as many days as he would have lived to fight before. Years from now, he'll fondly look back on that glorious day, crack a smile and say: "Boy, I sure do regret that." But to us, he'll always be a champion.
Ambassador 4x4 Club - Current Members:
Robert Jacobsen - Deposed Dictator (his burger was protein style)
Jim Sanders - President Elect (added animal style fries)
Bill Reitler - Defense Secretary
Kiyong Kim - Chief Diplomat of International Relations
JC - Founder
Jery Lee - Chief of Security, (and now a Vegetarian)
If you should ever be in our neck of the woods, birthday or not, we'd sure love to "connect" an In-N-Out 4x4 with you.